Career advice for women, but never for men

 

In the wonderful - and sometimes absurd - world of professional development, there is a whole range of advice available almost exclusively for women. You may have heard them during a coaching workshop, slipped into the hollow of an annual interview or delivered during an HR afterwork. The catch? These recommendations, while they claim to boost your career, are rarely addressed to men. Worse, they often reflect implicit norms, gendered expectations, and entrenched stereotypes. Deciphering the silent, and sexist, injunctions of the world of work.

"Don't be too ambitious"

The word "ambition" has long been perceived as suspect when associated with women. Being ambitious would be "frowned upon", "selfish" or "too hard". According to a study published by Harvard Business Review (2020), women who clearly express their desire to hold positions of responsibility are subject to more criticism of their personality than their male counterparts.

This bias is found in performance evaluations: an ambitious woman is often perceived as "less collaborative" or "less attentive", while a man in the same position is considered "visionary" or "determined".

"Smile more"

Whether it is frank, discreet, sincere or superficial, the smile seems to be an essential work tool... for women. The injunction to "smile more" is one of the most common pieces of advice in women's professional spaces. However, as a study conducted by Yale University has shown, this injunction affects very little men.

The idea? Making the environment more "welcoming", appearing "accessible", creating a "harmonious" atmosphere. You're not just asked to do your job – you also need to make sure that everyone around you feels comfortable. Men, on the other hand, can look concentrated, even downright closed, without it harming their image. When you smile, it's sweetness; When they don't smile, it's serious. Double standards, two faces.

"Speak less loudly, be more gentle/discreet"

Speaking loudly, interrupting, ardently defending one's ideas: in a man, this testifies to assertive leadership. In a woman? It is often perceived as "too aggressive", "too authoritarian", or even "unpleasant". As a result, we advise you to "speak more softly", to "not take up too much space".

What is really behind this advice? A desire to frame your expression in forms that do not disturb, that do not offend anyone. A man who raises his voice is passionate. A woman who does the same is hysterical. You are the one who is being asked to lower the volume, not the company to change the frequency.

"Work on your confidence"

With equal skills, how many times has a woman been advised to "work on her self-confidence"? Too often. Behind this well-intentioned remark lies a tenacious idea: women are naturally less sure of themselves, less legitimate. You are then directed towards training in assertiveness, speaking, posture... While your male counterparts learn to negotiate, manage strategic projects or develop their network.


It's flattering to be encouraged to assert yourself, but not when it means you're always leaving with a disability. Confidence shouldn't be a female prerequisite for simply existing in a professional space – it should come from an inclusive environment, where your skills speak for themselves.

"Don't overdo it, stay accessible"

Sometimes, you are congratulated for your ambition, before slipping in this little advice: "Be careful not to scare". Because an ambitious woman is disturbing. It breaks the mold. We find it "too demanding", "too cold", "not collaborative enough". Women's ambition would be an excess, whereas men's ambition is a quality.


It's the well-known glass ceiling syndrome: you can aim high, but not too fast, not too hard, and above all... not alone. We prefer inspiring but modest women. Determined, but discreet. Leaders, but maternal. The tightrope walker of female leadership must never stagger, nor lean too much on the side of power or submission.

"Avoid showing your emotions at work"

Crying at the office? Catastrophe. Getting angry? Unacceptable. Be vulnerable? Dangerous. When emotions come from a woman, they are often interpreted as a sign of weakness, instability, or even incompetence. You are then advised to "shield yourself", to "take a step back", to "not let yourself be too much affected".


At the same time, a man who raises his voice or bangs his fist on the table will be seen as "committed", "straight in his boots", "passionate". He can get angry, get emotional, show his stress, without it harming his credibility. You, on the other hand, need to play the part of perfect emotional balance – human enough, but never overly expressive.

"Be patient, your turn will come"

This is undoubtedly one of the most insidious pieces of advice. You are told that "it will come with time", that you are "promising", that you must "let things happen". Behind this discourse is often a form of wait-and-see attitude. We value your loyalty, your sense of teamwork, your endurance... while others seize opportunities without waiting.


Boston Consulting Group has also shown that women, even high-performing women, are less often identified as high-potential talents. They are congratulated, but they are not pushed. We like them, but we don't promote them. Result? They are moving forward, but more slowly. And sometimes, they end up doubting that their turn will really come.

These tips, although they may sometimes start from a good intention, are rarely neutral. They are shaping a world of work where women have to adapt to established norms... However, it may be time to stop trying to "play the game well" - but to change the rules. What if, instead of telling women to be "less this" or "more that", we collectively rethink our models of success? What if we valued skills, authenticity, emotional intelligence - whoever embodies them? Your value lies not in your ability to stick to a mold, but in what you bring to the table by being fully yourself. And that's a strength.