Signs that you’re emotionally intelligent
You may have heard the term used in the office or in relationships, but not many people understand what emotional intelligence (EI) really means or how to acquire it—especially since it’s not something we’re ever taught or tested on.
The term was popularized in 1995, when psychologist Daniel Goleman published a book about EI, introducing much of the world to the concept that understanding and managing emotions can greatly increase your chances of success.
To sum it up, EI refers to a person's ability to identify, express, and properly respond to their own emotions, as well as the ability to understand and validate other people's emotions. Studies have also shown that people with high EI have better mental health, job performance, and leadership skills.
Click through to see signs of high emotional intelligence, based on information from Inc, as well as simple daily practices to help you improve your own EI.
In our hectic lives it can be difficult to find time to connect with our emotions, but observing the relationship between how you feel and what you say/do can change your life.
During instances of conflict, don't let your emotional outbursts take the reign. Practice staying calm and make the conscious decision to prioritize a resolution over your anger.
In conversations, emotionally intelligent people listen and make sure they understand before responding, rather than just waiting for their turn to speak. Listening also includes nonverbal details!
We all live in an echo chamber where our opinions are reinforced by people around us, but welcoming challenges to your opinions can help you become more receptive to other points of view.
For your feelings, your actions, and the consequences of both of those things on other people’s feelings and actions.
Celebrating the positive moments, feelings, and actions is a key part of emotional intelligence, helping build resilient and fulfilling relationships.
Make yourself approachable
In order to listen to others, you have to make them feel comfortable enough to express their emotions to you.
Many people underestimate the power of nutrition on your mental state, but there are serious mental effects of eating unhealthy, as well as incredible mood-boosting benefits to a healthy diet.
Then try to predict those feelings and identify when they're going to come up. Practice naming them, and you’ll take away their overwhelming power.
It’s important to let your emotions run their course, but you can do things like yoga, reading a book, quiet meditation, or anything else to expedite their exit.
Even if you’re having a bad day, don’t let it rub off on others. Emotionally intelligent people are aware of their own mood and the moods of others, and they maintain their attitude accordingly.
If you’re not interested in the work you’re doing or the people you’re talking to, it makes it nearly impossible to dig deeper in a positive way.
Don’t let the negativity of others rule your life. By avoiding these things you also avoid placing yourself as a victim to life, as opposed to feeling confident in your ability to find solutions.
Motivation is another big part of EI, and setting goals for yourself that you can reach will keep you moving forward and provide boosts of confidence when you achieve them.
Dwelling on the past hinders your ability to accurately assess your present and grow as a person.
Emotional intelligence is not something you acquire overnight, but rather it’s something that only gets better with time.
Firstly, you think about feelings. Emotional intelligence begins with self- and social awareness, meaning you think about the impact of emotions in your thoughts and those of others.
Instead of flaring up in defense or getting upset, you’re able to see an opportunity to learn, either about yourself or about the person criticizing you.
Authentic in the sense that you say what you mean, you mean what you say, and you stick to your principles.
This simple pause is a sign that you’re weighing what emotions are fleeting before you decide to act on them.
Many people have a hard time apologizing. Emotional intelligence means having the courage, humility, and priorities in place to apologize even if you think you’re right.
And you do so almost directly as a response to the fact that you know you can’t control your emotions, but you can control how you deal with them.
Even if it’s something as small as a plan to grab a coffee, making a habit of keeping your commitments establishes a reputation of trust and reliability.
Demonstrating empathy is much harder than it seems, because it requires you to shed your own opinions and see things through someone else’s eyes. It’s not about agreeing, but rather understanding.
Everyone wants to be appreciated, and the praise you give is catered specifically to each person, helping them become the best versions of themselves.
It’s easy to criticize someone, but it’s harder to frame it in such a way that it inspires rather than detracts.
This is easier said than done, but it’s the most beneficial for you. While it may seem like you’re letting them get away with something, in reality, you're simply allowing yourself to move forward.
Being emotionally intelligent means acting in ways that benefit your emotions as well as those of others. Lending a hand can be more memorable than all the gifts in the world.
Emotional intelligence can be very dangerous when abused for personal agendas, and recognizing emotional manipulation can take work, but you can learn how to identify the signs.
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