20 things to know about grief

 

Grief is one of the most complex emotions one can feel. It is also an inevitable emotion. While the whole world has already mourned the time before the coronavirus, we have consulted experts on the subject of grief and divided their opinions into 20 useful points.

It's normal

The American Addictions Centers website states that grief is an integral part of the healing process that accompanies any loss. It also emphasizes that this process "requires effort."

Grief is not experienced the same way by everyone.

Since everyone experiences loss and copes with it alone, the adjustment process varies from person to person. According to the Grief Recovery Institute, grief is based on emotions. Grief depends on your personal relationship with the person or thing that was lost. Just as every person and relationship is different, the way we cope with each loss will also be different.

There are no stages of grief

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross believed that grief was experienced in stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, psychologists now believe that the healing process is more circuitous than linear. People can remain stuck at a certain stage, bypass one completely, or even abandon acceptance to make room for anger.

There are patterns of grief

Researchers now believe there are patterns of grief, and that people can either overcome the difficult emotions of the grieving process or experience prolonged periods of sadness. All patterns are normal, although some may require professional help.

Support is essential

People who have a support network of friends, family, colleagues, and neighbors are better equipped to cope with grief than those who attempt to navigate these difficult circumstances alone, according to the American Addictions Centers.

The closer the loss is, the deeper the grief.

The American Addictions Centers emphasize that the death of a spouse, child, parent, or friend will be more deeply felt than the loss of a distant relative or former colleague. Losing a loved one will leave a greater void in one's life, they add.

Justice Matters

Believe it or not, losses that can be understood (or that can be considered "just") are easier to digest than those that present some degree of injustice. For example, it's easier to accept the loss of an elderly parent who lived a fulfilling life than it is to accept the loss of a child. Death from illness tends to be easier to accept than death caused by a random, senseless accident.

It's not just about death

While death is a common cause of grief, it's not the only reason a person may experience grief. From job loss to major changes in lifestyle or status, anything can cause overwhelming grief.

Grief can be anticipated

People may grieve for something they think will happen in the future. “Anticipatory grief is that feeling we have about what the future holds when we’re not sure. Usually, this grief is centered around death. We experience it when someone receives a devastating diagnosis or when we have the normal thought that we will lose a parent one day,” David Kessler told the Harvard Business Review. “Anticipatory grief is also a more broadly imagined future. A storm is on the horizon. There’s something bad out there. In the case of a virus, that kind of grief is so confusing for people. Our primitive mind knows something bad is happening, but we can’t see it. It shatters our sense of security. We feel this loss of safety.”

Grief Can Bring Hope

"Grief brings introspection and, by association, reinvention," Michael Formica told Psychology Today. "With reinvention comes hope. We are not lost, but found."

Talking is important

Talking about the anxieties and fears we feel about grief and loss will generally help us cope with the tragedy we're facing, according to the Center for Loss and Life Transition. Repressing negative emotions, they add, could worsen adverse mental health outcomes.

Children experience grief differently

"For children and adolescents, grief may look more like anger, frustration, confusion, or a shorter temper," explains Erica Lee, a psychologist in the psychiatry department at Boston Children's Hospital. "Some children will also [regress and cling] more to their parents." Her colleague adds that sadness can increase throughout the day.

To overcome grief, self-care is essential.

As the Center for Loss and Life Transition points out, there is a spiritual component to grief. Whether you are religious or not, it is essential to practice self-care. The organization advises those grieving to do something that connects them to the divine every day—whatever that means to them.

There are many signs of grief.

Crying, feeling lethargic and apathetic, lacking concentration, overeating, and experiencing changes in everything from sleep to religious beliefs are all considered normal signs of grief.

The timeline of grief is approximate

Although grief never ends neatly, it is generally something people learn to manage and overcome in the months following a loss, once the shock of the situation has subsided. That said, many people experience unrelenting feelings of sadness for years, especially those who lose loved ones and must face events (birthdays, weddings, etc.) without them.

It's confusing

Because it's difficult to pinpoint exactly what grief feels like (sadness? anger? frustration? loneliness?), it can be an emotionally confusing experience.

It's better to go through grief than to avoid attachment

In 1969, researchers discovered that babies who failed to form emotional attachments (known as failure to thrive) had poorer outcomes later in life. Many even died because they didn't feel the support and love that come with emotional attachment. Researchers realized that attachment and building close relationships are better in the long run than refraining from forming close relationships.

You May Seek to Reinvent Yourself

Reinvention is a common occurrence during grief. “Tangible and intangible psychological losses, such as the loss of our sense of security after a traumatic event or changes to our identity, can be very distressing,” notes Dr. Ralph Ryback in Psychology Today. “Eventually, we must learn to reorganize our sense of self and rediscover our unique place in the world without our loved one.”

Grief can bring you closer to those you love.

Because grief forces people to reevaluate what they know, who they love, and how they love, it can help strengthen bonds with friends or family and can even lead to reconciliation if both parties agree to reunite.

Know when to ask for help

While coping with complex and serious emotions is part of the grieving process, it's important to seek help if you're experiencing suicidal thoughts. Consult your family doctor or call your local or state suicide prevention hotline for assistance.